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Thursday, July 7, 2016

Relationship Killers

Today i feel like talking about relationship killers, how people consciously or unconsciously kill their relationships by their actions.
I am no relationship guru, but i thought this might help people in relationships.
There are many things that can kill a good relationship/marriage, i will list a few of them that people do consciously or unconsciously.

CHEATING: To me it is the ultimate relationship killer, and one that many couples won't survive. Cheating kills trust, no matter how the cheating partner apologizes for indiscretions and promise it will never happen again. Unfortunately cheating is quite rampart these days. There are different types of cheating, the physical and the emotional cheating. If you can't tell your partner about a friend you hang out with, then something is wrong somewhere. Once you are in a committed relationship or marriage, a line should be drawn in your friendships with the opposite sex, there should be a boundary. It doesn't mean you cannot have friends of the opposite sex, it only means certain limitation to the friendship. That shows you respect your partner and value your relationship. If you do not set boundaries before you know it, you might begin to think of this friend in a way you should not, and it will be only a matter of time before sex happens between you and that person. By then, you would have hurt your partner a great deal, no matter how you try to patch it up, your partner will never trust you any more. In the end, you may end up losing a long term partner over a short term feeling.

THE PAST:  A lot of people do this unconsciously, while some do this consciously . People who live in the past find it impossible to move forward. If one partner insists on comparing the new relationship to the previous ones, the future doesn't look good. While learning from the past is a good thing, treating them as a blue print for every other relationship is not. What you have now is different to anything you have had before, so let it grow free from past screw ups.  The time you should use in getting to know and appreciate the new partner, you spend it sulking about the past, this can make one miss a very good chance at finding happiness again. The new partner can only bear things for a while. No one wants to live in the shadow of the former partner. There was a reason the past relationship didn't work out, why not spend time and focus on the new one? Likewise dragging the past of the new partner into the present is also very damaging. No one is perfect, so we are all bound to make mistakes sometimes. There is no point mentioning the mistake your partner made in every single argument you have. that hurts a lot, especially if that partner apologized for that mistake.  If a couple decides to move on from a problem, they move on and focus on the future; the past should be left in the past.

HIGH COMFORT LEVELS: After being together for a while, couples tend to grow comfortable with each other, way too comfortable. Especially if one partner makes him or herself too available to the partner. The appreciation level  drops and that partner no longer values this partner, then one partner begins to feel the other is taking him or her for granted. Sometimes it is important to spend time apart, go for vacations separately, as they say, absence makes the mind grow fonder. But, it can consciously be avoided, One should never feel too comfortable as to begin to disrespect your partner because they are always there for you. This can kill any relationship.

PERSISTENT SUITORS:A couple is by definition, made up of two people. Throw in a third person into the mix and things will begin to go wrong. Unless you aren't in an exclusive relationship, but if it is an exclusive relationship. If someone else is trying to get with you or your other half, distrust and suspicion can breed quite easily and can be a serious relationship killer. If the issue arises, deal with it as quickly as possible. If you are the one with the admirer, simply tell her or him you are not interested , as you are already in a serious relationship. Being too friendly with her or him could give her or him hope and permission to stick around longer and toying with your current relationship. Some people enjoy the fact that they are being chased by another while in a relationship, nothing wrong with that, but draw a line; otherwise you will find yourself in an undefined complicated relationship. No need to give this person any hope, because they will still continue to be persistent and you will keep hurting your partner in the process. If it is an open relationship and you both can see other people, flirt with other people, then it is fine. If it is exclusive, there is no need making your relationship more complicated, unless you really want to be in a relationship with this persistent suitor, then it will be better to end your present relationship and be with this new person, than hurting who you are with by your actions.

COMMUNICATION:Communication is very vital for any relationship to work. It is important to consciously work on communication skills with your partner. Silence chokes the breath of any relationship. It is not right to shut out a partner no matter what you are going through. In fact your partner should be one person you should want to share your problems with, instead of shutting out your partner. It is frustrating for the partner being shut out, even if you think your partner can not help you in dealing with your problem, at least the partner can listen which is enough. When you do not speak, how will the relationship grow? How will your partner know what you feel? Relationship is about sharing everything, even your thoughts, problems, joy.

SELFISHNESS: Some couples are so engrossed in themselves that they forget all about the need of their partner. Everyone has challenges, the only different thing is how we handle it. love is sacrificial, that is been able to put the needs of your partner ahead of yours. Selfishness is often driven by lack of trust or confidence that anyone else will be truly concerned with our interests. But loving partners do look out for each other's needs. The more you demonstrate the willingness to your partner, the more likely that he or she is to reciprocate. After getting burned by a romantic partner once, people tend to overcompensate. We construct not only defensive barriers, but offensive ones as well. Selfishness can cause us to treat our significant other like an outsider or an intruder, we rebuff our partner's presence; we disregard their needs. Selfishness manifests in several ways,but each is potentially lethal to a relationship.

Monday, February 1, 2016

Masquerade Embarks On Endurance Trek

I thought we had gotten over people trekking from Lagos to Abuja for PMB, or trekking from Abuja to Yenagoa for GEJ. After the first young man trekked, the rest abused it, that people began to get tired of it. After the elections, the trekking died with it, phewww, what a relief, I thought. I was tired of seeing the headlines of the trekkers.
Now shortly after the swearing in ceremony of the new Governor of Kogi State, trekking has somehow resumed again, to commerate the victory of the new Governor.
Do not get me wrong, i felicitate with the new Governor and i pray he is the change agent we need.
What caught my attention Was the fact that this time it was a masquerade trekking to Abuja from Kogi State, or from Abuja to Kogi.
That took me down memory lane.
Growing up at Idah, Kogi state. We saw lots of various kinds of masquerades, especially during festivities. The masquerades made Christmas, Sallah celebrations much fun.  If a parent denies a child that outing, it will feel like the world has crumbled. It was very important to children to go out and get chased by these masquerades. Even though it was fun and a sight to behold we were still very afraid of them.  During festivities when our parents let us go out like a lot of other parents do, all you hear is screams from other children or you see them running in all directions from various masquerades.
              There are very many types, I remember some of their names,  'OLOKOPIO was one of them, There was one called UCHORO DUDU,(means; the pot of black soup), its face was really very black. It has it's real name but i cannot remember it, but if you want to get chased, you call it by this name and you will get the chase of your life. My Parents lived about ten minutes away from the Ega market, there was a day my sister and i were taking a short route to the market, while this masquerade was on the main road, and we were screaming UCHORO DUDU, UCHORO DUDU! It left the main road and was headed towards us, My God! when we saw it coming we ran with all our might while screaming at the top of our lungs. There was no house close by, only trees so we ran into the market towards the statue of INIKPI, as children who believed anything, we were told masquerades were not allowed to see the statue, so we ran there for safety .  The masquerade did turn back, even before we ran into the market, but because were afraid we did not even notice.
There was AGBANABO,  EGWU-AKPOKO, (means Chilli/pepper masquerade),  AJADU- APIEPIE, OLAGENYI (from Audu Ewo's compund.  EGWU-GBOMGBOM, (can look as flat as a plate on the ground and then spring up taller than a tree). EGWU-ANYANYI ( the laughing or smiling masquerade). She had a smiling face and was not violent. 
          AGANA 

I remember one brand of masquerade called 'AGANA'. They were quite violent, there are different types of that brand of masquerade. The person who controls it holds a long leash tied to its waist, they never let it move around unsupervised or without a leash. And they have speed, when you call out to them and they begin to chase you, you had better run to the nearest house to hide. I remember one particular Christmas, we were at a part of Idah called Sabongari, and AGANA began it's usual chase and we were running and screaming, unfortunately it wasn't an area we lived in, so we ran to a compound we saw almost everyone run to, adults and children alike ran. When we thought we were safe and were catching our breath, AGANA somersaulted into the compound, we were all confused, filled with fear and many fell and we were all trying to find our way out of that compound. 
We were told growing up that most of those masquerades were spirits, while some were not. 
         OLOKOPIO 



AGBANABO

After Idah, we lived in Koton Karfe for a while, they also have masquerades but they don't look as scary as the Igala masquerades. Sometimes they do come out even if it wasn't a festive period. There was a time my sister and I were visiting friends and we sat in front of their house deep in teenage conversation. Suddenly a masquerade appeared right in front of us, we did not see it coming, we ran in various directions, some of us to the bedroom and others to the bathroom. 
This masquerade began calling out our names, Rosemary come out, Roselyn come out, Florence come out, Ladi come out, then we knew that whoever was in the masquerade costume knew us very well and it wasn't a spirit.  That did not stop the fear, but we still refused to come out. We only came out when we were they were gone. I wonder if I ever overcame my fear for masquerades and perhaps might still run for my life when I come face to face with one of them.
I did enjoy a lot of Christmases as a child because of those masquerades. I would like to hear of other people's experiences. 

Saturday, October 24, 2015

HOW TO ELIMINATE BODY ODOR

Do you have that one colleague, friend relative with a body odor?
This might be what they need to do to eliminate it.

Pretty much everyone gets worried about their body odor at some point or another, or so i think.  Who hasn't done the subtle armpit check?

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Some Abuja Cab Drivers Are Crazy

Sometimes when I am about to board a taxi, many of the drivers reek of alcohol, even as early as 6am. It scares the shit of out of me when I perceive the smell of alcohol on them. We all know that 90% of these drivers never went to any driving school,they just learn to drive for a few days and begin to pick passengers and putting their lives at risk. One fateful day,I boarded a taxi from Wuse ( the side of Wuse where you find,taxis headed towards, Dutse, Jabi, Kubwa and Lugbe axis). I was going to Lugbe, I was the third passenger in the in the taxi (that means I was the second passenger at the back seat) I use to dread been the third passenger in the back seat, because the third passenger usually sits in the most uncomfortable position. You have to sit half way, your back cannot lean your back on the car seat to make room for the last passenger. Its not like the other passengers are comfortable, but you won't like to be number three, trust me. In no time it got filled up and we paid for the fare even before it moved. Usually most of the cab drivers don't like driving through the berger round about because of the much dreaded traffic. This particular driver decided to drive through berger round about,as expected there was that traffic,although it was moving. The driver was in a hurry like many motorists in Abuja and was trying to shunt his way through,we hadn't even gone far,his impatience got us in trouble. He tried to drive his way through the part of the road where the Police had prevented motorist from driving through by placing traffic cones on. He thought he could drive quickly, but was not fast enough. In a flash we saw an officer rush towards the car,opened the passenger door and forced himself in with the passenger who was already seated in the front passenger seat. At that point,I thanked God in my heart that I was not that passenger. I was almost unhappy when I realized I wasn't going to get the front seat when I arrived at that illegal taxi park. After seeing the way the officer jumped in even though the driver was trying to throw him off, he still managed to get in,thereby squeezing the passenger against the driver. The reasonable thing to do by the driver was to stop the car and park well, right? On the contrary, his acceleration increased, I assumed he wanted to turn after the round about and stop the car. He did not,he sped off. At this point the officer commanded in a loud voice, stop the car, I said stop the car!!! For all we knew,one could have sworn that he was deaf, instead he increased the speed. By now, many of us were beginning to panic (especially the female passengers including yours truly). Didn't you hear me? Stop the car now or I release tear gas in this vehicle. Then he brought out a canister of tear gas,fear gripped me instantly. I suddenly remembered my experience with tear gas in Benin city some years back and how it stung my eyes and almost thought I would go blind. I imagined it in this crammed taxi and the after effect on the driver. By now,we were on that high way that leads to Wuye. As if we planned it,we began pleading with the driver to please stop the car and at the same time pleaded with the officer not to release the tear gas for our sakes,we were on the high way for crying out loud. The stubborn driver with his unevenly bleached up face still would not stop. Next thing we knew,the officer began to drag the steering wheel with the driver and the car began to move in a zig zag motion on the high way. We started screaming at the top of our lungs, driver please stop, why are you putting our lives in danger? Drop us here,and take the money. They kept on dragging,I was praying we don't even fall into the drainage along the road. The lady beside me was already crying . We were scared and helpless,we could not jump out of the car because it was on top speed. We had even lost hope and we weren't sure what would happen next. When we got to the point where the Chinese company CCECC was doing some Construction. An army hilux just kind of appeared in front of us and blocked the driver,so he was forced to stop. Two military officers jumped out from behind the hilux. Park well they barked, ( dem de tell person?). The driver parked well. They said you are under arrest for kid napping a uniformed officer. So I was expecting the crying lady to get out so that I could quickly get down,she just sat down there. I don't know if it was shock,fear or curiosity. I was very surprised,and said please get out of my way, if you don't want to get out of this taxi, I do. I was overjoyed the military showed up, just when we needed them. They bundled the cab driver into their hilux and asked the police officer to drive the cab behind them. Motorists who drove past at that time just watched. They zoomed off with the driver and I wished I could be a fly on the wall to see what would be done to him. We got stranded on that road,it was quite hard to get a taxi from that spot,so we all decided to trek ahead a bit. Luckily for us,a good Samaritan who watched what happened and was going to Gwagwalada decided to give us all a ride. We talked about the incident until we each got to our various destinations. Some of these cab drivers get high on some substances before going about their daily activities. I wish there was a way that could be checked,or if the government enforces the DUI (driving under the influence) test.

Friday, March 13, 2015

100 Meters Race and the Gun wielding men

I woke up feeling a little tired on Friday ( probably because my subconscious knew it was weekend, which meant rest for me). I got to the office, signed in while waiting for my colleagues so that we would walk together to Allensar a communications dealer we had business with on Aminu Kano, Wuse 2 to also sign in,then proceed to K- city to buy breakfast from a Mama put(Those kain mama put Wey no dey get name). 
 sometimes go through Aminu Kano or Parakou street. We decided to go through Parakou street which was less busier than Aminu Kano and shorter too. As we were walking past Smiles Communications,as usual we saw some of their staff outside,seems they wanted going somewhere. My colleagues and I were talking about how they like to form,and I was saying, I wouldn't even be surprised if the live in the shanty towns outside Abuja. Truth be told,they can form for Africa eh, I don't know if they do it for our benefit oh, always in high heels and forming American and British accent,hehehehe.
 Anyway,back to the Crux of the matter. 

 After we walked past them, I heard the sound of car tyres screeching and automatically turned back to see a Metallic coloured 406 with tinted glass coming out of a Close driving into Parakou crescent. To say he drove like a maniac is to put it mildly. One would think it was a scene from Fast and Furious. At first I thought the Car had lost control and I was already feeling bad an accident was about to happen right in front of me And i I could do nothing to stop it.I  drew the attention of my two colleagues who were chatting away to the speeding vehicle, I  said it seems this car has failed break and may run into these stationary cars. So we stopped to look at it. Never seen any car on such speed except  in movies Or car race games on television.
Surprisingly it swerved and did not hit any car, but was still on top speed and swaying from left to right, when suddenly a Sienna appeared right behind it,with same speed and roughness. Am I witnessing Fast and Furious reloaded or what? I thought within me, could the driver of the Sienna be pursuing the driver of the 406? I asked no one in particular. I and colleagues were just awed at the kind of driving at 8:30am in the morning. Then suddenly the 406 turned swiftly into the next Close, as the Sienna was about to turn, we saw guns come out of the window,before we knew it they started shooting into the air. It happened very fast. What was going on here? In my mind I said,my legs where una dey? Make I take cover before stray bullet go come meet me oh. One of my colleague was still watching and I called out to her. Madam, this is not the type of thing to watch oh, stray bullet can hit anyone. Let us try to get out of these place, because I have a strong feeling they will still be back to this street again, by now we were not seeing these race vehicles any more,we were only hearing the gun shots farther and farther away, so we started walking away faster like we were brisk walking.
As if I was a Prophet, as predicted they were headed back to the street. The sporadic gun shots was getting closer, na so we tear race oh. "Omo" see run, even Blessing Okagbare would not have stood any chance near us oh, we would have given her a run for her money. We would have qualified for the next Olympics,with the way we sprinted to safety. I am sure if a wall stood in our way at that point we would have scaled it. See adrenaline pumping oh. Three of us bear our papa name instanta, who remember say he waka come with anybody? Tired what? Who remembered tiredness again? Where the strength came from I don't know. Did I even remember that I was carrying a heavy bag back? It felt light weight on my back. People ahead of us scampered to safety too,those who saw us running joined us, shooting nor stop oh, our saving grace when we got to the high way on Aminu Kano opposite Access bank was that we turned left,and they took the right turn towards Banex plaza road. One of my colleague was so confused and was running in the middle of the road,luckily for her there was no incoming vehicle, that would have become story that touch(God forbid) i on the other hand was running on the  pedestrian lane because I thought in the midst of it all,if they took the direction we did, it would be safer for me on the pedestrian lane,because the trees and cars would block me out a bit,while the third one was looking for a car to slide under, the one who was watching when they shot into the air the first time. A man stopped us,to tell us they took the turn towards Banex we should stop and catch our breath, na how we stop be dat oh. And people began to gather in small groups to discuss what they saw. I have no idea who they are, maybe robbers or kidnappers,what ever they are I will never know unless I see it in the news. It was terribly scary and I am glad we could laugh about it later on. What an adventurous day!!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Victims Of Circumstances And Other Stories

Three short plays written by Roselyn Zuyeali Amwa. Available on Amazon. Get your copy now!!!

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER




It happened to me on this fateful day, some time in March 2014, I can't remember the precise day.
I was spending some weeks at my one of my female friend’s house in Garki, Abuja. I was not working at that time, so I kept myself busy writing a screen play. My female friend went to work as usual and I was left at home, so I was almost done typing my screen play.
She returned home at close of work at about 6pm. And there was no power.  So we hoped that by 8pm it may be restored, as they usually did some times. She had dinner, showered and slept off, while I continued typing and editing my screen play while chatting with my sister at the same time.

Before I knew it, it was 10pm, yet no power, or better yet nepa as we usually call it. I woke my friend up and asked if I should turn off the generator, she said we should leave it running for the next two hours, power might be restored then, so she connected her black berry phone to the extension box beside the LED television for charging.
I usually don’t sleep early and never comfortable sleeping if the generator is on. I just went on typing and chatting, multi-tasking you would say.  Then it was midnight, and there was no sign of nepa, again I woke my friend up and told her I have to turn off the generator this time around and she agreed. Then I sent a chat message to my sister that I would be right back, that I needed to turn off the generator. Usually I put my my phones in my pocket when I am moving around. This time around I left it on my laptop which I hadn't turned off.
 I wish I had carried the phone like I usually did, instead I picked the nokia phone that has torch light because I felt it would be more useful to me. On my way out, I ran into a petite dark skinned woman wearing a black jalabia and carrying what looked like a baby on her right shoulder. I wondered within me where she would be coming from with such a little baby at that hour. The baby looked small, thinking of it now I realized she was not carrying a baby. I also assumed she was my friend 's neighbor, because I didn't know all her neighbors
 So I walked towards the entrance gate where the generator was and I noticed a red car parked outside and the engine was still running,  but I didn't pay any attention to it. I went about my business and focused on the one reason I came outside at that hour; the generator. I turned it off and headed back to the room.  I noticed a shadow around the television while I was still outside, I assumed my friend got up to pick her phone. But when I got in I saw someone waking up my friend.  She was tapping her lightly and also saying "auntie!  auntie!"
I was first of all confused and shocked. The room was dark, so I could not make out the woman's face and her voice was unfamiliar,  so I flashed the torch on my nokia phone on her, guess who I found in the middle of the room waking up my friend.  The jalabia wearing woman I ran into on my way to put off the generator.  I thought she was a neighbor, so what was she doing here at this hour? I asked no one in particular. So I asked, excuse me Madam,  what are you doing here and why are you waking my friend up? By this time my friend had become fully awake. She got up from the bed and questioned the jalabia wearing woman as well.
She stammered a bit, and said, "auntie no be you get shop outside here"? Which shop?  My friend and I asked almost simultaneously.  She said " that provision shop"
My friend responded by saying she must be in a wrong house as no one here had any shop outside. She said "maybe na new una pack come here, the auntie wey get dat shop outside na here she bin de"
What we both didn't know was that she had already stolen my Sony android phone and my friend's black berry, coupled with the fact that it was dark we didnt check for our phones, but who would suspect a decently dressed mother and her assumed baby? Besides I never heard of the jalabia wearing female thieves until I became a victim. As soon as she was stepping out, I thought about my phone,and I said,  'babe this woman has stolen our phones'. She said no, that is not possible. I said in that case let us check for them. I rushed to my laptop and the phone was not on it. My friend rushed towards the television,  only the black berry charger greeted her. I was right, the phones had disappeared with the woman.  We ran outside the gate and we could not even catch a glimpse of her. So we asked the security if he saw any woman wearing a black jalabia and carrying a baby. That was when we knew she belonged to a syndicate. The red car I noticed earlier had brought her and was waiting for her.
I was upset because I had alot of information on that phone and also because it was stolen easily,right under my nose.I had about eight gigabyte data on it. We tried calling the lines. They weren't picking it, but seemed like while trying to put off the black berry they mistakenly dialed the last number my friend had called. So the person picked the call, but they did not know.  He over heard their conversation ; they were two women and a man who drove the car. They were planning on where they would go next for their operation and after a few minutes put it off. That was how I lost my phone to an unsuspecting woman . The next day I started hearing lots of stories about how they steal communications gadgets from homes and offices. The only thing I got back was my line that I welcomed back.